Wish your child did as they were told? Here’s my fool-proof way to get your child to not only do what you ask the first time you ask them but get them to stop answering back, do their chores AND behave in public!
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Improve Your Child’s Behaviour – My Foolproof Behaviour Chart
Getting our kids to behave can be a real challenge. Over the years I’ve tried pretty much every technique and strategy I can think of to get my youngest son Harrison to be good and do what I ask.
I’ve tried the naughty step and time-out. There have been reward charts and sticker charts. We’ve banned screen time and we’ve taken away treats and privileges. We’ve also had a naughty box for his toys where he’d have to earn them back with good behaviour. Some would work for a few days or weeks before they stopped having any effect and others were simply non-starters.
He’s pretty good really – most of the time!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he’s mega naughty or anything, but he definitely has his own mind. If he doesn’t want to do something, he won’t do it – no matter how much I try persuading him. And, if he doesn’t agree with something I’ve said, he’ll happily tell me about it!
I love that he’s not afraid to say how he feels. And sometimes, his reasoning for not doing something and his genius counter-arguments can be pretty hilarious. BUT, when I’m trying to get him to lay the table, clean his room or we’re trying to leave the house, it’s not so funny!
He gets incredibly distracted too. He’s inherited that one from me, so I try to cut him a little slack…but I’ll ask him to get dressed for example and ten thirty minutes later he’ll still be standing there in his underpants, but he’ll have made the most amazing paper aeroplane!
In a bid to make family life (and parenting) less stressful, I knew I had to find another way to get him to do what I ask. Something that would encourage him to behave without me asking him several times over. Something that wouldn’t make me feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall. After a few weeks of pondering on what to do, I stumbled across the answer one day after picking him up from school.
Thunderclouds and rainbows…
On the wall of Harrison’s classroom, they have pictures of a thundercloud, a cloud, a sun and a rainbow. Depending on how they behave each day dictates whether they are placed on the rainbow or the thundercloud. The aim of course is for them to be placed on the rainbow. Being on the sun is good too, but if they’re on the thundercloud, that’s not so good and us mums get to hear about it.
This works really well for Harrison and every day he tells me where he ended up. Always proud when he makes the rainbow, I wondered if I could replicate this at home somehow to see if his behaviour would improve. So, I decided to come up with my own version of this and give it a go.
And do you know what? It worked! And the results have been AMAZING!!
Want a copy of the exact same behaviour chart I use?
It’s coming to my Printables Shop VERY soon! Register your interest HERE and get 20% off your first order!!
Enter the ‘Good, Bad, Ugly’ behaviour chart…
All I did was create a simple behaviour chart where each day we would award him points according to how well he behaved – and where he sat on the rainbow/thunder cloud scale.
Who would have thought that something so simple could have such a dramatic effect on improving his behaviour? We’ve been doing it for two months now and whilst there are still times where a little extra negotiation takes place, in the main, his behaviour is pretty good and our home is a whole lot calmer.
There’s no way I can take full credit for coming up with this strategy as some of the inspiration clearly came from Harrison’s teacher…I simply took the principle of what she was doing, tweaked it a little and turned it into something that’s worked for us at home. And it can definitely work for you too.
So how does it work?
With a row for each day, I split the behaviour chart into four columns; Amazing (aka the rainbow); Good (aka the sun); Bad (aka the cloud); and Ugly (aka the thundercloud). I then created a scoring system as follows:
- For each Amazing (rainbow) earned, Harrison is awarded 20 points.
- For each Good (sun) earned, he’s awarded 10 points.
- Each time he’s given a Bad (cloud), he loses 10 points.
- For every Ugly (thundercloud), he loses 20 points.
Deciding on a score for him to reach each week, we’d add this to the ‘Goal’ section of the chart and decide on a prize for when he reached his goal. Starting off with 100 points, the goal increases to 250, then 500 and then 1,000 points. When he gets to 1,000 we go back to zero and start all over again.
To really motivate him, Harrison gets to choose what his prize will be. Sometimes it’s a small Lego set or extra TV time. Other times it’s staying up late or a hot chocolate and brownie at Starbucks with Mummy.
Awarding points…
Harrison earns points anytime he does something good or helpful and loses them any time he is rude, disobedient or doesn’t do as he’s asked.
Every time he does something the first time he’s asked, he gets an Amazing (gains 20 points). If he does it the second time of asking, he gets a Good (gains 10 points). If he does it the third time he’s asked, he gets a Bad (loses 10 points). And if he’s asked a fourth time, well then he gets an Ugly (loses 20 points). And he HATES getting uglies!
Want a copy of the exact same behaviour chart I use?
It’s coming to my Printables Shop VERY soon! Register your interest HERE and get 20% off your first order!!
Points mean prizes…
It took a couple of weeks for Harrison to get the idea of how it worked – and for us to come out of minus figures! But now he understands how it works, we’ve seen a dramatic improvement in his behaviour. Now he gets excited when he thinks he’s going to earn points. He actually wants to behave and he wants to know what else he can do to earn more points.
He hated seeing his score in negative figures, but once he realised that if he behaved his score would increase VERY quickly, his behaviour changed almost overnight. Once he realised that points meant prizes, he started working even harder to earn those Amazing (rainbow) points!
The benefits of a ‘Good, Bad, Ugly’ behaviour chart…
There have been so many benefits to using a reward system like this. The biggest advantage of using the Good, Bad, Ugly behaviour chart though is that it’s helped us to deal with and combat some of the more difficult areas of parenting. Areas that we really struggled with. Things like:
- Settling to bed without keep coming down or making a fuss (“stay in bed and you’ll get an Amazing, come downstairs one more time and you’ll get a Bad”).
- Staying in his bedroom until 7am each morning or being good watching TV quietly on a Sunday morning so Mummy and Daddy could have a lay in.
- Doing his chores. Instead of earning pocket money, he’s awarded points. Now he asks what else he can do to help around the home so he can earn more points!
So why does this method work when nothing else did?
The Good, Bad, Ugly behaviour chart works because:
- The concept is very similar to what he’s used to at school. Not only is it easy for him to understand, but he also associates it with the school system and gets it. Because he uses a similar system at school, he’s familiar with it and it was easy to explain to him how it works.
- He’s learned that actions have consequences – if he’s good, kind or helpful, he gets points. If he’s naughty, rude or disrespectful, he loses points. It’s as simple as that.
- He has control over his behaviour. He’s learning that he has a choice over how he behaves. He can choose to be naughty or he can choose to be good. It’s up to him, but the points will be awarded accordingly.
- He’s learned that points mean prizes. He doesn’t just get given things, his good behaviour is rewarded by him picking a treat/reward that he’d like and the more he behaves the quicker he gets to his goal.
- There’s no punishment as such, there’s a lot less yelling too. Instead of being punished by toys being taken away, he loses points and that takes him further away from his goal.
I’m sure that as he gets older I’ll need to try a different tactic to encourage him to behave. But for now, it works. And I know that it’ll work for you too.
Want a copy of the exact same behaviour chart I use?
It’s coming to my Printables Shop VERY soon! Register your interest HERE and get 20% off your first order!!
Consistency is key though…
Don’t be surprised initially that you have days with minus figures. It takes a few days to get into a rhythm and for them to understand the concept. But stay with it, stay consistent and it will work. It can be a little frustrating at first as it won’t work right away. But expect that and after a few days, you should start to see a big improvement. I think it took Harrison about ten days to get into positive figures but now he loves earning his points. He wants to reach his points goal and is very proud when he does.
How to improve your child’s behaviour…
Thanks to the Good, Bad, Ugly behaviour chart, home life is a lot less stressful. I don’t feel like I’m constantly arguing with him nor am I telling him what to do all the time. He wants to help and I don’t feel like I’m wasting my breath. I’m amazed that something so simple works so well!
Don’t forget to snag your copy of the exact same behaviour chart I use!
It’s coming to my Printables Shop VERY soon! Register your interest HERE and get 20% off your first order!!
That’s it for this post! Do you struggle with getting your child to do as they are told? Do you think this chart will help? Let me know in the comments below!
Until next time…
Like what you’ve read? You’ll LOVE these posts too!
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- Mum Guilt and the Guilt Trips we Should be Letting Go of
About the Author
Hey there! In case we haven’t met, I’m Sarah, the founder of A Simple and Contented Life. The online coaching practice that helps moms and mompreneurs with an online biz create more balance so that they can thrive both at home and at work WITHOUT feeling like they have to choose between the two.
A certified master life coach, transformation coach, goal success coach and self-published author, I’m also an Executive Contributor for Brainz Magazine, a proud mum of two, a besotted wife, breast cancer survivor and your mentor for making a change for the better.
When I’m not helping my clients and club members create a great home life and business of their dreams, you’ll find me in my favourite Starbucks curled up in a chair, book in one hand, hazelnut latte in the other or attempting to walk my somewhat lazy Frenchie pup Arthur!
Here’s how I can help you thrive:
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Ready to thrive Mama?
Transform your home, mind, schedule and life with my FREE weekly email series; 5 to Thrive.
Get 5 super simple but super powerful tips and strategies delivered straight to your inbox every Sunday evening.
Reduce the overwhelm, restore balance and create the life YOU want – for you AND your family. 👇🏻
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